But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my poor anus
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
