You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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