I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Randomize
