24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
