So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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