she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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