I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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