I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
