Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
