he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
