afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
