he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
