did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
