I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
