why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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