I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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