We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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