Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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