Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
