tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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