I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
