Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
