we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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