I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
