I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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