i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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