I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
