oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
