when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
