Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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