I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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