I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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