I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
