I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
