Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
