i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
