Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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