He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
