At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
