Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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