Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
