don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
