About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
