I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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