it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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