Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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