I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
