Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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