So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
