so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
