i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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