Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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