went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize