if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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