Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
