i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
