and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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