I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
