in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This baby is an asshole
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
