i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
