Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
