I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
