Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
