is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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