Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
