You were right. It hurts to walk today.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
