you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
