Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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