Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
