This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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