his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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