he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize