can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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