Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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