this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dick very happy bro
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
