More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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