I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
