Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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