Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
