I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
