He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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