im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
