hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
