ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize