Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
