I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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