I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
