i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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