now i know why i became what i already was.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
birth control should be required to get into college
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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