At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize