guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
