so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize