Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
