That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
