69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
