you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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