dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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