i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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